Tag Archives: african american relationships

Have You Filled out Your Relationships Resume?

My Relationships Resume (Click on link for a copy)
The Relationships Resume gives you the opportunity to let someone know that you are interested in exploring possibilities with them. You can also put it in an envelope, give it to someone and ask them to fill it out for you.

Long Distance Relationship? Study Shows They Can work

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Greater distance apart actually predicted more intimacy, communication, and satisfaction.

Problem: Long-distance relationships (or LDRs, as they are sometimes known) are pretty universally acknowledged to be a bad idea, especially if the separation has no finite end-date. And sure, there are exceptions to the rule. One of the best couples I know dated long-distance for years, and they’re married now. But do you really want to bank on being an exception, in the face of a hazy future filled with Skype calls and expensive plane tickets?

But of course people do defy the advice of their more level-headed friends and go for the LDR. And a recent study provides them with some warm and fuzzy data to snuggle up to on nights when they’re missing their partners.

Methodology: Researchers at Queen’s University in Ontario, and the University of Utah, looked at 717 people in long-distance relationships, and 425 people in “geographically close relationships.” The sample size included both students and non-students, people of different sexualities, and a wide range of actual distances. The participants answered questions about their attitudes toward LDRs, and then completed multiple questionnaires designed to assess the quality of their relationships:

  • An assessment that measures emotional, social, sexual, intellectual and recreational intimacy
  • A commitment scale
  • A scale that measures a relationship’s communication levels
  • “Dyadic Adjustment Scale,” which measures couples’ disagreement on things like demonstrating affection and handling finances.
  • “Dyadic Sexual Communication Scale,” which measures how well couples communicate about their sexual relationship.
  • A measurement of female sexual satisfaction
  • A measurement of male sexual satisfaction
  • An assessment of the amount of psychological distress, anxiety, and depression a person has felt in the last month.

Results: “It appears as though those in [LDRs] are no less satisfied than those in [geographically close relationships],” the study reads. “Indeed, comparing participants based on sexual orientation, relationship composition, and student status revealed very similar relationship patterns. These results indicate that being in an [LDR] does not guarantee negative relationship outcomes.”

The factors that predicted positive relationship outcomes were not measured in miles. For example, those who felt more certainty in their relationships’ future had higher quality relationships. What’s more, greater distance apart actually predicted more intimacy, communication, and satisfaction in the relationship.

Implications: I made a tagline for a romantic comedy based on the results of this study: “It isn’t the length of the distance; it’s the strength of your love.” We could call it “LDR” and cast Shailene Woodley or Selena Gomez as an earnest college freshman who constantly Skypes with her boyfriend Josh Hutcherson.


Source: 

The study, “Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long Distance Dating Relationships” appeared in Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy

How Childhood Experiences Affect Love Relationships–Harville Hendrix on Imago

 

Harville Hendrix’s Imago Theory proposes that we go back to childhood and explore how our relationships with our parents (our first love relationships) affect how we interact in relationships.

Source: Oprah’s Life Class

11 Interesting Effects of Oxitocin

 

 

This Woman Uses the 80/20 Rule When Dating. What is that?

Dr. Patty discussing with a woman what she is looking for in a partner. She is looking for a man who is tall, dark and handsome, her knight. She also uses the 80/20 rule, which she describes below. Is she realistic?

How to End an Unsatisfactory Relationship

First try to fix the Relationship–If there is a way to salvage the relationship try doing so. This may entail changing negative behavior to positive behavior, learning good communication skills and if necessary seeking counseling. If you still think it is best to end the relationship do the following:

1. Understand that ending a relationship will be difficult and painful.

2. Blame yourself–Tell the person that you want to end it because by giving reasons specific to yourself, e.g. you need more time for yourself right now, you want to go to school. If you blame your partner, you may give them the opportunity to try to make things better and subsequently make you feel obligated to give them another chance.

3. Cut off the relationship completely–Sometimes the person who wants to end the relationship may want the relationship to evolve to a friendship. However, if you are the “dropper”, it may be more difficult for the “droppee”. Continuing to have a relationships with him or her may give them false hope. Cutting it off completely may help the “droppee”  heal faster. On the other hand, some people do better turning relationships into friendships. It depends on you and your partner

4. Learn from the Relationship–It often easy for us to blame the other person. This is time for you to focus on what you did to contribute to the breakup. Look at things such as jealousy, being controlling, cheating, being fearful of commitment, etc.

5. Allow time to grieve and heal–Know that it is going to take time. Studies  show that it can take from 12-18 months. Know it is going to be painful and it is okay to cry. It helps with the healing process.

6. Clean up your social network pages, e.g. facebook, twitter, etc. Sometimes angry ex-partners use social networks to vent their anger about the breakup. You may have to purge and disconnect them from your social network sites

7. Start Dating again–One way to get over a relationship is to start dating again. But remember, you should also take time to heal, so that you do not bring the hurt and pain from the previous relationship into the new one.

Overall, look at this as a time to heal, reevaluate what is important to you, behaviors and habits that might need to be worked on changed, and ultimately as a new beginning to find the right person for you.

Source:

Choices in Relationships, Donald Knox & Caroline Schacht, Wadsworth, 2010.