Tag Archives: love

Long Distance Relationship? Study Shows They Can work

Greater distance apart actually predicted more intimacy, communication, and satisfaction.

Problem: Long-distance relationships (or LDRs, as they are sometimes known) are pretty universally acknowledged to be a bad idea, especially if the separation has no finite end-date. And sure, there are exceptions to the rule. One of the best couples I know dated long-distance for years, and they’re married now. But do you really want to bank on being an exception, in the face of a hazy future filled with Skype calls and expensive plane tickets?

But of course people do defy the advice of their more level-headed friends and go for the LDR. And a recent study provides them with some warm and fuzzy data to snuggle up to on nights when they’re missing their partners.

Methodology: Researchers at Queen’s University in Ontario, and the University of Utah, looked at 717 people in long-distance relationships, and 425 people in “geographically close relationships.” The sample size included both students and non-students, people of different sexualities, and a wide range of actual distances. The participants answered questions about their attitudes toward LDRs, and then completed multiple questionnaires designed to assess the quality of their relationships:

  • An assessment that measures emotional, social, sexual, intellectual and recreational intimacy
  • A commitment scale
  • A scale that measures a relationship’s communication levels
  • “Dyadic Adjustment Scale,” which measures couples’ disagreement on things like demonstrating affection and handling finances.
  • “Dyadic Sexual Communication Scale,” which measures how well couples communicate about their sexual relationship.
  • A measurement of female sexual satisfaction
  • A measurement of male sexual satisfaction
  • An assessment of the amount of psychological distress, anxiety, and depression a person has felt in the last month.

Results: “It appears as though those in [LDRs] are no less satisfied than those in [geographically close relationships],” the study reads. “Indeed, comparing participants based on sexual orientation, relationship composition, and student status revealed very similar relationship patterns. These results indicate that being in an [LDR] does not guarantee negative relationship outcomes.”

The factors that predicted positive relationship outcomes were not measured in miles. For example, those who felt more certainty in their relationships’ future had higher quality relationships. What’s more, greater distance apart actually predicted more intimacy, communication, and satisfaction in the relationship.

Implications: I made a tagline for a romantic comedy based on the results of this study: “It isn’t the length of the distance; it’s the strength of your love.” We could call it “LDR” and cast Shailene Woodley or Selena Gomez as an earnest college freshman who constantly Skypes with her boyfriend Josh Hutcherson.


The study, “Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long Distance Dating Relationships” appeared in Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy

How Childhood Experiences Affect Love Relationships–Harville Hendrix on Imago


Harville Hendrix’s Imago Theory proposes that we go back to childhood and explore how our relationships with our parents (our first love relationships) affect how we interact in relationships.

Source: Oprah’s Life Class

11 Interesting Effects of Oxitocin



How To Capture His Heart & Make Him Love You Forever

capture his heart

Capture His Heart– gives strategies to attract the man want.

This Woman Uses the 80/20 Rule When Dating. What is that?

Dr. Patty discussing with a woman what she is looking for in a partner. She is looking for a man who is tall, dark and handsome, her knight. She also uses the 80/20 rule, which she describes below. Is she realistic?

Growing In Love vs. Falling in Love?

The overarching approach to love in U.S. society is romantic love. One who takes a romantic approach to love might think of love in terms of physical attractiveness, passion, sex, and intense emotional feelings. They might believe in ideas like love at first sight or that love conquers all. Infact, in U.S society, feeling romantic is a prerequisite for choosing a marriage partner. However, this has not always been the case in the United States or throughout the world. Throughout history, marriages were generally arranged, which means that one’s family members played a significant role in who one chose to marry. In Africa, marriages were also arranged. What was important among African people was expanding their lineage (big families were highly valued),and the economic, social, and political relations that could be forged. Love was expected to develop after marriage through the couple sharing their lives together, not to precede it. Partners were chosen based on their values, health, and their family backgrounds.

Question to Ponder:

Could you marry someone without being in love first?
Could you choose someone based on values, health and family background and grow to love them vs. falling in love with them?
Should Romantic love be the primary basis of marriage?

Source: African American Relationships, Marriages and Families: An Introduction

African American Relationships, Marriages & Families: An Introduction
Dr. Patricia Dixon



The Love of Isis and Osiris

Love of Isis and Osiris

(Click the link above for a copy of the story)

The African story of Isis (Auset) and Osiris (Ausar), is probably the  earliest stories known. In this story Isis and Osiris, one of two couples, the other being Seth and Nephthys, who are at once human and divine, working together to bring civilization to not only their own kingdom, but also to the world. However, Seth, who is jealous brother of Osiris, murders him. The story goes on to detail the deep love, passion, and commitment that Isis, the beloved wife of Osiris, shows in finding and resurrecting her husband to life, and then after his second death, the effort to which she goes to give him immortality, as shown in the numerous memorials she had constructed throughout Kemet (Egypt) to keep his memory alive.

The story has survived over 4,000 years to contemporary times and is important for several reasons. First, if one wants to understand relationships and their complexity, one must begin with Africa. The story of Isis and Osiris is probably the oldest story, it is an African story, and it laid the foundation for not only understanding challenges that relationships and families face, but how they can overcome these challenges. Many of the themes, e.g. resurrection, immaculate conception, etc. laid the foundation for Christianity. Second, it shows the love, devotion, and commitment between Isis and Osiris who are brother and sister, husband and wife, and human and divine, and what can be achieved when two people work together in harmony. Third, many of the themes in the Isis and Osiris story can be applied to contemporary relationships. Finally, it shows the possibilities of what can be achieved if couples work together to overcome challenges to their relationships. (Click the link above for a copy of the story)

Source:  African American Male/Female Relationships: A Reader
Patricia Dixon, Ph.D.